It's not my first rodeo

I love this time of year. It's a great time for being outside and doing great holiday type things. Last week we went to a corn maze for a Saturday afternoon. We do this every year. It takes about an hour to get there so we make a day of it and go out to lunch after the trip. Dakota loves it. And we love it, especially now that he's older. We can send Dakota and his cousin inside and just sit on the outside with hot chocolate, every once in a while answering their calls of "Where are you?" with "I'm right behind you". That can be our secret okay?

In the middle of the maze there's a "bridge". It doesn't go anywhere but you can climb up and look around to figure out where you are and then continue your trip. The steps are pretty steep; even those of us approaching middle age (no laughing) have to watch ourselves. Part of Dakota's syndrome includes under-developed muscles, in his case particularly in his legs. Consequently his legs are not that strong and coupled with his depth perception problem, stairs can be quite a challenge. We (us and the physical therapist) worked a long time on getting him to use alternating feet to go up and down stairs rather than just leading with the same foot all the time. He has finally worked that out most of the time but he will convert back when he is tired.

There we were in the maze at the bridge. He climbed up and then was coming down- with a little difficulty -as we watched anxiously. We felt obliged to add "Be careful, the stairs are steep" more out of habit than anything. To which he replied "I know. These aren't my first stairs you know."

Well of course we though his channeling of Joan Crawford was cute but then we had two questions: 1- Is it time to let him go a little, and 2- where did he learn this sarcasm? Frankly I only had the first question. Secretly I was thinking he was a chip off the old block.

As a parent you want to know that your child can be independent- that's for all children. When your child has had extra needs it becomes more important but somehow it makes it harder to let go. You don't want them hurt or frustrated certainly, but maybe you also- well maybe I- have a hard time changing. I think he is letting me know its time but I'm not sure it is for me.

Tag, you're it- again...and again...again

I think all of us have had the experience of being picked last for games or teams, am I right? Some of us? A couple people? One techno geek in Cheboygan? Anybody? Okay, I alone have had the experience of being picked last on many occaisions. I was picked near the top for spelling or history bees but its hard to parlay that into sex appeal in 5th grade. Still, I did have a good experience. And I did get to be both the "hide-ee" and the "hide-or" in hide n' seek as well as the "tag-ee" and "tag-or" in many of the various spin-offs of tag. Not so for my son.

I watched him playing outside the other day with his cousin and a couple of other children. They were playing tag and big surprise, Dakota was it. I have watched him play various chasing or hiding games with neighborhood kids and others before and though the names and faces change, there is one constant- he is always IT. I admit he doesn't always get the nuances of these games so he is usually pretty easy to find or catch but come on, there's no way that's an accident.

Now inserting the requisite disclaimer that I of course AM biased but harbor absolutely NO lingering bitternes toward the emotionally stunted delinquents who were part of my youth, I think the choosing of Dakota as "It" is by collective agreement. They don't discuss it among themselves - at least I don't think they do- yet they arrive at the same choice. Do I think this means that they are all cruel and picking on him? No. I think they all want to win a few times and they know they can get by him pretty easily and he makes an easy target- the same way people zero in on the weaker at any age. If they were to play long enough they would probably, eventually, tire of him being it and decide it would be fun for them to be it for awhile. Still, don't you think it's worthy of an anthropological study to see how this works? If it weren't my kid, I definitely would.

It's hard not to just get angry or sad when I see this or to make it personal, that is- about me instead of him. Maybe it doesn't bother him; maybe he's just glad to be included and that's good enough; maybe I'm making too much of it; maybe I just think "You're not going to treat my kid that way" nanny,nanny, boo,boo. Nah, I'm way more grown up than that.

Fear and Loathing

So sorry for the long absence. I've just gotten back from a week-long convention in Las Vegas and the time went by just like...a year. I love Las Vegas but when it takes you longer to get across a street than it did to fly there, its enough. The hotels are so big now I have to bring a snack and emergency contact information just to go from one end to the other. But seriously folks...

When I am away my mind wanders all over the place about what things might happen to my family while I am gone. This time I also had time to think about how vulnerable special needs children sometimes are. Recently there have been 4 events concerning Dakota's school bus. He is supposed to be dropped off at daycare after school because no one is at our house. When children are dropped off at their homes, the bus driver is supposed to actually see an adult come out of the house. If no one comes out, the driver is to call the house and if they get no answer they have to bring the child back to school. Twice Dakota has been dropped off at an empty house. One other time he laid down on the seat and fell asleep; the driver forgot he was there and started back to the bus barn. Fortunately Dakota woke up and so was eventually taken to daycare. Once when he was dropped off at home, I happened to be there and headed back to my office. I opened the door and there he was but there was no bus around and no one had called me. In fact, no one called me any of the times he was dropped off at the wrong place or even when there was a bus accident and he was missing for over an hour. If I had not by chance been home, I have no idea what would have happened. Most of my neighbors work during the day so where would he have gone? Most kids might stay around in the yard or garage and wait but for how long and what about if it was freezing outside? Dakota cannot tell time nor does he understand the concept so he wouldn't know when we were coming home. I fear he would try to walk to a store; or who knows who might stop and hurt him or talk him into going with them. Of course we tell him about strangers and all of that but he is still just a little boy who can't fight back and, because of his disabilities, is easily influenced. Every parent worries about their child and strangers or even just crossing the street, but eventually the kids reach an age where that is not as big a concern. They can cross bigger streets or would know to stay around the house if no one was at home. But you don't always know with special needs children if they understand or if someone might be able to say something to them in just the right way that makes them forget what you taught them and listen to the stranger.

These things make it so important to make sure your kids know your neighbors and what to do in case of emergencies; whose house can be their back up to use the phone or wait for you. Those of you with special needs neighbors- please take the time to let your neighbor know you would be there for their child. I know I would appreciate it and I would do the same for you.