It's written all over your face

Have any of you reached the stage in your life either because of your innate maturity or accumulation of years (mine would be the former-and I say that with a straight face) that you reflect more on your life and motivations?  I guess it is inevitable that at some point we grow up and begin to think about what we feel and why we do things. At his trial for heresy, Socrates said that the unexamined life was not worth living- of course that was in Greek and I don't speak Greek so for all I know he may have said 'an unspiced Gyro is not worth eating'... boy would that make life easier.
Life was much simpler when I could just cruise along and not have to review my motive for everything I did; didn't have to check my emotions when I spoke to decide if there was a good reason for the rising anger in my voice; or realize that at every moment, with every sentence, someone was watching or listening. Everyone with children or who is around children realizes that they pick up on everything you say and how you say it. You can't get away with "Do as I say, not as I do". Dakota is very literal and, like most kids with developmental disorders, subtleties are lost on him. He will read exactly what he hears in your voice or sees you do.  This means that he will see your real motivations whether you like it or not. So when I see him being impatient with people if they ask him to repeat something because they didn't hear or understand him, I have to ask myself if he gets that from watching me or if it's part of his disabilities. When he has a hard day at school we have to pry the story out of him so we can try to communicate to him what he could do differently and that perhaps he interpreted a situation incorrectly. And that's just hard days at school; we also have to go through the same kind of thing everyday because of his frustration with himself over something he can't do- like button his shirt or tie his shoe; or his inability to follow lengthy or in depth conversations (by that I only mean a conversation that is more than one or two sentences or moves from one concept to another). All of these situations produce a reaction that we have to determine the appropriateness of; where the response behavior came from; how to show him a better way of handling things. The older he gets the more I worry that his responses are becoming more ingrained in him and re-teaching or getting rid of the responses may not be an option pretty soon.
Which of course leads me to worry even more about every thing I say and do. Nobody knows how far Dakota will advance. Only very recently have I considered and voiced that he may never be able to live any more independently than a group home. I have always tried to put off thinking about it or deluded myself that he would outgrow all of this. I should feel fortunate I suppose; I know many parents whose children will never be as well off as Dakota is. I feel like he will reach a plateau and I am running out of time to teach him to be patient with himself and others so he will be happy and have friends; to be determined and stick with something but not be unrealistic about what he can do; to not be discouraged when he can't do something; to not let anger and indignation take over when someone insults or slights him, and on and on.
Dakota has so many other things working against him I need to give him all the tools I can so he can function in society. Which means I have to look at each of his reactions and find out if there's a part of me in it; and if there is, how do I change it- in both of us? I thought life began at 50... this is living? I feel more like this must be what hell is: an endless Dr. Phil show forcing me to look at my feelings- aaagghh!