Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Can I tell you something?
Hello all. This is the start of my blog story about raising a child with special needs. Dakota is my son and he came to live with us six years ago. We've been told alternately he has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Autism Spectrum Disorder, brain damage or that he's plain old mentally retarded. Dakota is nine and believe me having special needs doesn't make him any less nine! Well, actually at this point he's about as developed mentally and socially as a 5 year old. Which means he wants to make you laugh all the time and so if he does something once and you laugh then he should do it again and you'll still laugh...and he should do it for the 755th time in a row and you should still laugh. Ever hear a child when they first start to tell Knock Knock jokes? First its the same one 25 times..Knock, Knock? Who's there? Boo. Boo Who? You don't have to cry about it (hysterical laughter)...Knock, Knock, etc. (just as hysterical laughter)...Knock, Knock (hysterical laughter followed by the sound of my head hitting the wall repeatedly followed by hysterical laughter). Then they make up knock knocks with no sense "Knock, knock. Who's there? Table. Table who? Table and a blue chair" (hysterical laughter followed by the unstopping of a wine bottle- you figure out which of us is doing what). Now throw in Dakota's need to be noticed and his compulsive behavior and you can imagine that some days you reach a point where the actual sound of knocking makes you run screaming into the street! The really funny/ironic part of that is that when Dakota first came to live with us- we adopted him when he was three- he could barely speak and we wondered/prayed/dreamed that someday he could make words and sentences; now we wonder when he will stop talking! His absolute favorite sentence is "Can I tell you something?". I have learned that though it may seem best to answer no, it makes no difference. His question is more like an intro rather than asking permission. But I've also learned that HE's learning compassion, patience and selflessness from me whether I like it or not. Can I tell you something? Raising Dakota is hard work.
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Sounds like a great start for the documentary...but more importantly for recording a LIFETIME of shared joys, sorrows and more importantly, LOVE! I'm a new found follower - best of luck to all three of you!
ReplyDeleteI have been told many times I should have kept a diary and written a book about Martin who has all those labels plus being deaf. I look forward to reading the blog, seeing the documentary, and being able see my own life situation in them both.
ReplyDeleteMel, I'm so proud of the job you are doing with Dakota. I believe he has a better chance of succeeding in life with someone who's being real about the problems of raising a special-needs child. You don't want to simple coddle him; you want to teach him to handle his needs and be part of the world. What a tremendous task, but you're up to it. Just remember YOURSELF along the way. He and others who love you will NEED you there 100%. Go, go, go!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your blog. I'll spread the word. I had a "special needs" Uncle who ended up being forced through school through a military academy "social promotion" kind of thing, and ended up serving in the Vietnam war, of all things. My grandparents thought they were doing the right thing by forcing him to graduate, and go to Vietnam. It ended up making it harder for him to get help later in life because it was harder to prove he was mentally challenged. I'm glad Dakota has you as his advocate!
ReplyDeletegreat job Mel. I love the joke, David does the same thing. I try to keep a running diary of the fun things he says and does I am not always as good at it as I would like to be, but who is. Dakota is so blessed having you and Helen as his family. I understand some of the feelings you are going through as I go throught the same. I have taken to just enjoying each day as it comes. The worries and concerns seem so much greater when you know at 21 or 25 he will still need asistance with everyday life. I understand. I am trying to sign in here but having some problems but can't wait to see the film. Flo
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