Different does not mean bad

There comes a time in every life when we reach a crossroads between adult and child (though I haven't reached it yet -ask anyone). It is by turns exciting, scary and sad- sometimes all in one day. Frankly, the same can be said for a typical day in menopause. I haven't changed my mind: if I'm still in menopause when Dakota reaches puberty, one of us is not coming out alive!
The exciting part is understandable: You can do more things, you get more privileges. Now that Dakota is in the double digits (he recently turned 10) his favorite expression is "Mom, can I __(fill in the blank) since I'm 10 now and a grown- up?".  I know times are changing and kids are maturing faster apparently;  and it may also be true that the laws of physics have been suspended just for me and Dakota is aging faster than I am (it could happen!) but someone will have to explain to me when 10 became the age of adulthood.
The scary part is also understandable- probably more for the parent than the child- because the child is unsure how to act and what to say. I mean, is Spongebob Squarepants now for "babies" and you shouldn't even bring it up to a 10 year old?
The sad part is not obvious to a kid but it is to the parents. And more so I think for parents of kids with Dakota's developmental problems. It's of course sad that you don't have your little baby anymore who says cute things and wants to sit on your lap; now you have a 10 year old alien who rolls their eyes at you and assumes you have traded your brain for a bowl of jello salad. But its sad for other reasons. Because of his cognitive disabilities, and maybe even because of his difficulty reading social cues, Dakota has not really cared what other people thought about him. If he wanted to use a walking stick and walk around the mall hunched over pretending to be Yoda- he did it; and if he wanted to wrap a scarf on his head as hair and pretend he was his teacher taking his class on a field trip when we went to the grocery store- he did it. And we let him. He has a great imagination, he's very happy and isn't hurting anyone, and honestly most of the time it's fun. I think a lot of kids wish they could do it too.
But now he's beginning to change. The other day he had some "hair" on in the car. When we got to our destination he said he would leave it in the car so the other kids "won't laugh at me." Now instead of just being himself he has to worry about what other people think. We have never told him to worry about that but we have always told him that when he makes a choice to do things others don't do, people might laugh or tease so he needs to be prepared. He already has enough reasons for mean people to ridicule him so if he is going to do these things we have to help him learn to cope. Until now his response has always been "I don't care. I don't listen." Sadly kids are now making fun of the way he talks or his inability to play certain games and he is noticing it. He is now learning that he doesn't want to give them any more ammunition.
This is so wrong. How many years and dollars of therapy and self-help books have many/most of us spent to get to the place where we can say "I am going to be myself and you don't have to like it or approve of it." There's a song I love from 'A Star is Born' that says "...they believe that strange is a word for wrong; well not in my song." I hope we can find a way for him to remember that and balance fitting in with being Dakota. He is not bad or wrong; he hears a different drum. Actually, I think Dakota hears the whole percussion section.