Now I find it very hard to not want to measure the little urchins in the school yard for choke collars when they leave my son out of their games. He is reaching the age or intellectual capacity when he understands that they are excluding him and that he is different. He will try things at home that he won't do at school like kickball or hitting a tennis ball, though he won't always do it at home either. I think he becomes so self-conscious of not being as good at it and the kids get so impatient with him that he stops trying. We try to get him to practice at home but sometimes he just refuses; and we often get a note from the PE teacher from school that he won't participate. I know he needs to do these things to help his coordination and build his strength but how much heartache and frustration-for all of us- is it worth?
A "normal" class is not always what he needs and finding someone to teach special needs children sports or music is not that easy- at least not in Oklahoma.We enrolled Dakota in piano lessons a while back. He wanted to do it because his cousin does. It took a while to find someone who would take on a nine year old who couldn't read yet and has learning problems. We finally found someone who was not a special ed. instructor but was nice and would try. At first Dakota seemed to like it; but then it started to get harder. He couldn't understand tempos and beats or focus on learning the names of the notes. Perhaps he was not advanced enough yet. Whatever the reason, when recital time came we decided not to make him go. All the other kids in his age range and/or experience were playing whole songs and we could barely get him through a verse of Twinkle Twinkle. Rightly or wrongly, to save his embarrassment or our own discomfort, we didn't go. We didn't tell him about it so he doesn't realize what happened. This was one of the few times that I was glad Dakota does not always have the ability to understand what is going on. I don't want to teach my son to be a quitter or to care more about what people think than enjoying himself and trying, and I don't think I did; but I hope I didn't give myself permission to do it for him.
We did the swimming lessons, the soccer team, gymboree, etc. And I did indeed feel like we were giving Martin the opportunities that I would have given any child of mine (even though he was the only one I ever had). We did the highfives for every little thing he attempted, not even succeeded at, hoping to boost his self esteem and prove its not whether you win or lose, but that you tried. Blah blah blah. I thought I was avoiding pegging him as a "special needs" kid so that no one would assume he couldn't do something and therefore pass that along to him. In the end all he cared about was if it was fun for him to be with others. He liked the ritual of going, the "uniform" or sports outfit, the juice breaks, the parents rooting on the benches, the trophy event in the end. The actual swimming, kicking the soccer ball, or gymnastics could have been eliminated because he knew he could not do it like the others. I think he just wanted to "be" like other kids. Not "do" like other kids. So I did end up having him join special needs activities. Have you ever been to special olympics?? God's gift to those of us who never got picked for the team till last.
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